Saturday, November 17, 2007

RIP Joe

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I'm not gonna write much about this because everyone is saying the same things. But if you hear anyone talking about him, they'll probably be saying the following: He was the voice of the Reds, of summer, of growing up.

I got to talk to Joe once during a rain delay, when they usually open the phone lines. I found out the guy played for a minor league team in Muncie called the Muncie Packers, so named because Jack Marhoefer, owner of Marhoefer Meat Packing, also owned the team. To think that Joe Nuxhall played in my hometown -- well, that was huge for a little kid like me at the time.

And every time Reds baseball came back in the spring, hearing Joe was like hearing a grandpa I never had -- one who'd call baseball games in that lazy, perfect, midwestern drawl. I've been listening to Reds games for 20 years. They'll never sound the same again.

Reds pitcher, broadcaster Nuxhall dies at 79

CINCINNATI -- Joe Nuxhall, who was the youngest player in major league history and the beloved "old left-hander" on Cincinnati Reds radio broadcasts, died overnight following a bout with cancer, the team said Friday. He was 79.

Nuxhall's health problems multiplied in recent years but couldn't keep him away from the game or the broadcast booth for long. He had surgery for prostate cancer in 1992, followed by a mild heart attack in 2001.

The cancer returned last February, when Nuxhall was preparing for the Reds' spring training in Sarasota, Fla. The broadcaster called some games last season even though his left leg was swollen by tumors. He was hospitalized again this week.

He retired as a full-time radio broadcaster after the 2004 season, the 60th anniversary of his historic pitching debut.

Nuxhall and play-by-play announcer Marty Brennaman described the Big Red Machine's two World Series titles in the 1970s, Pete Rose's return as player-manager and then banishment for gambling in the 1980s, and another World Series championship in 1990.

Nuxhall's place in baseball lore was secured the moment he stepped onto a big-league field. With major league rosters depleted during World War II, he got a chance to pitch in relief for the Reds on June 10, 1944.

No one in modern baseball history has played in the majors at such a young age -- 15 years, 10 months, 11 days old. He got two outs against St. Louis before losing his composure, then went eight years before pitching for the Reds again.

"When you think of all the individuals that played at the major league level and you're the youngest in the history of the game and in the Guinness Book of Records, it does make you in awe of it," Nuxhall said on the 50th anniversary of his debut.

He got the chance purely by chance.

Nuxhall grew up in nearby Hamilton, Ohio, and was still too young to shave when the Reds were looking for wartime replacement players. They came to see his father, Orville, who pitched in a Sunday league in Hamilton.

"My dad could throw hard," Nuxhall said. "They were really scouting him. Almost by accident, they found me."

Nuxhall was big for his age -- 6-foot-3, around 190 pounds -- and could throw 85 mph. The Reds offered a contract, and Nuxhall's parents let him join the team when junior high classes let out in 1944.

He spent most of the time watching from the bench, assuming he'd never get into a game. The Reds were trailing Stan Musial's St. Louis Cardinals 13-0 after eight innings on June 10, 1944, when manager Bill McKechnie decided to give the kid a chance.

Nuxhall was so rattled when summoned to warm up that he tripped on the top step of the dugout and fell on his face in front of 3,510 fans at Crosley Field. He was terrified when it came time to walk to the mound.

"Probably two weeks prior to that, I was pitching against seventh-, eighth- and ninth-graders, kids 13 and 14 years old," he said. "All of a sudden, I look up and there's Stan Musial and the likes. It was a very scary situation."

Nuxhall walked one and retired two batters before glancing at the on-deck circle and seeing Musial. Nuxhall unraveled -- Musial got a line-drive single, and the Cardinals scored five runs as the young pitcher lost his ability to throw a strike and failed to get another out.

"Those people that were at Crosley Field that afternoon probably said, 'Well, that's the last we'll see of that kid,"' Nuxhall said.

The Reds sent him to the minors. Eight years later, he was back with the Reds, picking up on a career that eventually got him into the team's Hall of Fame. He spent 15 of his 16 big-league seasons with the Reds, going 135-117 before his retirement in 1966.

A year later, Nuxhall started doing radio broadcasts, describing games in a slow-paced, down-home manner that caught on with listeners. Brennaman became the play-by-play announcer in 1974, and the "Marty and Joe" tandem spent the next 28 seasons chatting about their golf games, their gardens and some of the biggest moments in franchise history.

Brennaman made the broadcasters' wing of baseball's Hall of Fame with his blunt, outspoken style; Nuxhall rarely produced controversy with his folksy manner.

They had one high-profile moment together. Both were summoned to commissioner Bart Giamatti's office in 1988 because of their on-air comments after Rose bumped umpire Dave Pallone and was ejected. Angry fans threw debris on the field for 15 minutes as Brennaman harshly criticized the umpire.

Nuxhall became more critical as his broadcasting career wound down. He created a stir in 2001 by suggesting on the air that Barry Larkin was no longer capable of playing shortstop. Larkin, the team captain at the time, replied that he was hampered by injuries.

Just as Brennaman is known for his "This one belongs to the Reds" proclamation after a win, Nuxhall developed a signature signoff. He concluded postgame interviews by saying, "This is the old left-hander, rounding third and heading for home," a saying that is illuminated across the top of the Reds' administration building.

Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press

Monday, August 13, 2007

Rose-colored glasses

Bob Castellini hasn't given up and neither have I!

You might think that just because we haven't updated this blog in almost two months that we've given up hope in this year's version of the Reds. WRONG! Listen to what Redlegs CEO and former bagged vegetable magnate Bob Castellini had to say to mlb.com.

"C'mon. You don't give up yet," Castellini said. "We have 50 games to go. Rose-colored glasses? No. You can't give up on guys. These players haven't given up. They're not just playing for individual stats. They're playing like a team."


That's right. The Reds aren't playing for individual glory! They're playing like a team! A team that got swept by the Nationals but a team nonetheless. And if a guy who is paying Eric Milton around $8 million dollars this season to be hurt and not pitch horribly believes, then so do I.

The Reds aren't even mathematically out of it. According to Baseball Prospectus' Playoff Odds Report, the Reds have a .06385 percent chance of making the playoffs this year! They ran the season 1,000,000 times and the Reds made the playoffs almost 639 times. So if you're like me (and Bob Castellini apparently) and believe in a lunatic variation of string theory, then we might be living in one of those 639 out of a million alternate universes where the Reds will make the 2007 postseason.


Bob and I BELIEVE!

Friday, July 6, 2007

Kyle Lohse

Mr. Inconsistency is still in the rotation, complete with his 4-10 record and 4.77 ERA. I guess I'm a fair-weather Kyle Lohse fan because it's hard to be anything else. I like him when he's effective, but mostly, he's not.

What I don't get is how so many people are afraid of how much Kyle Lohse will cost next season. In a year and a half with the Reds, he's only shown flashes of brilliance amid several mediocre starts and absolute shellings.

What I also don't get is how the Reds can keep running Lohse and Belisle to the mound when Bobby Livingston is flat out getting it done in AAA. Phil Dumatrait is no slouch either, and can't be any worse than Belisle has been lately.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Narron replaced with "random lineup generator" machine to no noticeable difference.

One of these organizations has been run really well and one hasn't. Let's see if you can guess which one is which.

Cincinnati Reds managers, 1991-present: Lou Piniella*, Tony Perez, Davey Johnson*, Ray Knight, Jack McKeon*, Bob Boone, Ray Knight (redux), Dave Miley, Jerry Narron, Pete Mackanin

Atlanta Braves managers, 1991-present: Bobby Cox


(* = won "Manager of the Year" with a different club)

Friday, June 8, 2007

For Fuck's Sake.

I'm not a professional neurologist but this seriously can't be good.

"I know it was a concussion," Freel said in his first public comments since the incident. "I've had them before and know what it is. I was knocked out. Every other time I've had concussions, I've been knocked out. None of them have been like this. I never had the lingering affects. This is totally different than what I had before."

Freel estimated that he's possibly had "nine or ten concussions."


To reiterate: Ryan Freel has had nine or ten concussions. Hell, knowing a bit about Ryan, that's probably a low end estimate.

I love watching Freel but, for fuck's sake, somebody has to stop him from playing again. He's pretty much guaranteed Alzheimer's at this point.

At the very least, Dr. Kremchek should make him wear some sort of helmet when he's out in the field- maybe one that's a midpoint between what John Olerud wore and the ones they strap on retarded kids.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Reds Killers

There are three types of Reds killers.

You know them well:

1) Unknowns who kill Reds pitching and Reds pitching only, or shut down the Reds offense and look like Cy Young for a night. Anthony Reyes is a good example. Brett Tomko is not.

2) Former Reds: This category has two subcategories:

a) Oh Yeah, I'm a Baseball Player: Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez, Ryan Franklin, Rick White, and on and on and on -- guys that couldn't get it together in a Reds uniform, but upon donning someone else's, suddenly remember how to play the game...but only against the Reds.

b) Whew! No More Pressure To Be As Good As I Am: Let's face it. Reds history is littered with players who had unrealized potential in a Reds uniform, or guys that never got a chance because Reds scouts are dumb mother fuckers, and as soon as they left, suddenly, baseball immortality. I'll grant you Paul O'Neill was good in a Reds uniform, but when he went to New York, suddenly his bat was as wide as a surfboard and his batting average jumped 110 points. One can only assume that if Eric Milton or Ken Griffey, Jr. ever leave Cincinnati, Milton will become a Cy Young candidate and Griffey will not suffer another injury of any kind in his life. He'll also be able to hit with the bases loaded and not only surpass Hank Aaron, but Sadaharu Oh and Jesus Christ for most homers. Those are examples of unrealized potential. Guys that never got a chance include Trevor Hoffman, Paul Konerko, Jeff Montgomery, and Brendan Harris to name a few. Idiotic sportswriters will look at the current Reds roster and ask dumb questions like "Where would he play?" as if that question really needs a response. For a team with no closer, a platoon at first base, and a combination of no offense from Juan Castro and 9 errors on Alex Gonzalez (more than he made all of last season), I have some ideas. At the very least, if they had no place to play here, the GM could've gotten something in return.

3) People the Reds really should start walking, but simply don't, because Boone/Miley/Narron is a genius. Lance Berkman (39 career homers), Albert Pujols (29 career homers), and Bill Hall (14 career homers) are examples of star players whose Christlike ability is somehow magnified even more vs. Cincinnati in all offensive categories -- mainly because the Reds are stupid and can't follow statistics closely enough to see patterns -- simple ones such as "Albert Pujols kills us every time" or "We make Bill Hall look like Babe Ruth."

Let's open this up and see if anyone is actually reading this blog. Reds killers. Name some.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Fair Weather Fans

I've always considered "fair weather fans" annoying, mostly because they're not around for the losing, when the rest of us are miserable, but still here.

So imagine my surprise when I was called a fair weather fan over at C. Trent's blog.

Fair weather fan? I've been around through the dismantling of the Big Red Machine, Marge Schott's ridiculous reign as owner, Pete Rose's gambling, the injury calamity of 1989, the Jim Bowden three-ring circus and his parade of 5-tool washouts and pitching retreads, Carl Lindner's nearly-as-ridiculous-ownership, and now, what appears to be the Reds' seventh consecutive losing season.

In fact, the only time I really "went away" was during college, when I didn't have time to follow the games every day. While I was away, they won a pennant in 1995 and made a run in 1999. Fair weather fan, indeed.

No, that's not it. Call me passionate, question my knowledge of the game, call me flat out wrong -- but fair weather fan? That's not gonna cut it.

The context of this came during a debate about why Reds fans boo. Well, lots of fans boo when they're pissed, and in Cincinnati, they have every right to be pissed. I mean, just re-read my third paragraph. It ain't like Cincinnati has a legendary level of positivity. The franchise has been a laughing stock for years.

And guess who's still here.

People are quick to blame the fans for not being supportive. That's just bunk. Give fans something to support besides a parade of incompetent owners, general managers, managers, and players. Give fans something besides racial insults and gambling scandals. Give them something to get behind.

If you want their fandom, you need only exist in a baseball town. People will come. James Earl Jones said so.

But if you want their money, you need to build a winner and commit to winning. You can't just provide the same lip service that previous regimes provided, with the same result. Fans see through that. You can't blame them for complaining.

That's not "fair weather" fandom. That's just capitalism at work. Surely a town crawling with so many conservatives understands basic business. You can't expect fans to line up all smiles for miles to watch a last place team. Won't happen. That shit only works in Chicago, and that's only because of beer and WGN, and the inexplicable notion that it's cool to like the Cubs.

So what do you call a passionate baseball fan who doesn't go away but refuses to attend another game or give the organization another dime until it commits to winning -- really commits to winning? What do we call that?

Can we call that a fan? Sure.

Can we call that a die-hard fan? Why not?

Can we call it a savvy consumer who doesn't want to get duped for a $7 beer and a sunburn? Oh hell yes.

Just don't call it a fair weather fan. Because that doesn't make any sense. Especially in a town like Cincinnati, where there hasn't been any fair weather in years.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Fire Sale?

Fans are calling for yet another one...but will that solve the problem?

2003

July 30, 2003: Traded Scott Williamson to the Boston Red Sox. Received Phil Dumatrait (minors). Traded Jose Guillen to the Oakland Athletics. Received Aaron Harang, Joe Valentine, and Jeff Bruksch (minors).

July 31, 2003: Traded Aaron Boone to the New York Yankees. Received Brandon Claussen, Charlie Manning (minors), and cash. Sent Gabe White to the New York Yankees as part of a conditional deal.

August 12, 2003: Traded Kent Mercker to the Atlanta Braves. Received a player to be named later. The Atlanta Braves sent Matt Belisle (August 14, 2003) to the Cincinnati Reds to complete the trade.

August 21, 2003: Traded Scott Sullivan to the Chicago White Sox. Received Tim Hummel and cash.

August 31, 2003: Traded Kelly Stinnett to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received Eric Valent.

Of the above, Dumatrait, Harang, and Belisle remain in the organization. Harang is now the ace (in a slump), Belisle is a .500 pitcher in the rotation, and Dumatrait might see a Reds uniform this year. Maybe.

2004

July 30, 2004: Traded Todd Jones and Brad Correll (minors) to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received Josh Hancock and Andy Machado.

August 9, 2004: Traded Cory Lidle to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received a player to be named later, Javon Moran (minors), and Joe Wilson (minors). The Philadelphia Phillies sent Elizardo Ramirez (August 11, 2004) to the Cincinnati Reds to complete the trade.

This wasn't a "fire sale" even though fans were calling for one. This was a "rebuilding year" in which Harang and Belisle and other young players got thrown into the pool to see if they could really swim.

Of the above, only Elizardo Ramirez and Anderson Machado have surfaced in a Reds uniform. One is hurt, and one probably won't be back unless the entire infield goes on the DL. Maybe not even then.

2005

July 23, 2005: Traded Joe Randa to the San Diego Padres. Received Justin Germano and Travis Chick.

Neither of these guys are still around. More below.

2006

June 15, 2006: Traded Brandon Roberts (minors) to the Minnesota Twins. Received Juan Castro.

July 6, 2006: Traded Travis Chick to the Seattle Mariners. Received Eddie Guardado and cash.

July 13, 2006: Traded Austin Kearns, Felipe Lopez, and Ryan Wagner to the Washington Nationals. Received Gary Majewski, Royce Clayton, Bill Bray, Brendan Harris, and Daryl Thompson (minors).

July 31, 2006: Traded Zach Ward (minors) to the Minnesota Twins. Received Kyle Lohse. Traded Justin Germano to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received Rheal Cormier.

August 7, 2006: Traded a player to be named later to the Philadelphia Phillies. Received Ryan Franklin and cash. The Cincinnati Reds sent Zac Stott (minors) (August 9, 2006) to the Philadelphia Phillies to complete the trade.

Castro is here, being Castro: all defense, no offense. You get what you get with this guy. Lohse got into the rotation and then starting pitching batting practice every time out. Guardado has been hurt for most of his time with the Reds. Majewski just got back after spending most of his time in the same way. Bray is hurt. Only Daryl Thompson, the low minor leaguer, has been performing well and relatively healthy. The rest are gone, traded away or released because they just couldn't hack it.

So really, is a fire sale the answer? What will that accomplish? Won't we be right back where we are in 3-5 years, when most of the prospects either don't work out or, in the absence of progress, get traded away for veteran washouts when the Reds make a fluke run at the division?

Can a franchise realistically do this every 3-5 years and hope to maintain a fanbase, especially in a town as fiery as Cincy?

Why should it have to, really?

Doesn't this raise larger questions?

At what point will MLB realize that "small market" teams simply can't compete with "large market" teams? We're looking at evidence of a class system in the game -- one that does not afford much opportunity for small-budgeted teams. This is the kind of stuff that small market teams struggle with each year.

And what if those trades work out differently and the Reds hit the jackpot with a bunch more rising stars who quickly get expensive? The organization is still doing this in five years, but not a "fire sale" so much as a "salary dump."

Look at the Marlins, the Twins, the Athletics. Develop and bring up young, cheap talent, make a run or two, and when the talent gets too expensive, let 'em walk or trade them away for more young, cheap talent. Suck for a few years, then one year make another run, and repeat.

This model means there is no such thing as a "small market dynasty," when the large market teams -- your Braves, Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, etc. -- can contend every single year.

Yeah, I'm making this a small market/large market issue, because it is.

Seriously, when was the last time a large market team had to have two fire sales in five years? Can we finally say, at long last, that the system doesn't work? That the NFL has the right idea?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Too Little, Too Late

Todd Coffey shipped to AAA to make room for Gary Majewski.

Enrique Cruz left off the 40-man roster, leaving 39 on with 1 spot open. Homer Bailey's rotation spot comes up Sunday, if that's what they're thinking.

If not, I don't know what they're thinking.

Time to start the fire sale...again. This time, though, they need to unload Griffey, Dunn, and Freel. But especially Dunn, who is young, has 40-homer power, and yet is a liability every time he steps to the plate or has a ball hit near him in the outfield.

Joey Votto would make a fine left fielder for the rest of the season. Votto-Hamilton-Hopper?

Feels like 2003 all over again. Man, this team sucks big donkey dick.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I have no solutions.

The operative word for the 2007 Reds' season...



Trade Griffey to a contender. For his own good.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Just...wow.

This is the worst Reds team I've ever seen.

EDIT: I'm too young to remember when Ron Oester and Dan Driessen were the best position players they had, and Johnny Bench was in the twilight of his career, and when they routinely squandered Mario Soto's work.

My head might've exploded back then. Apologies to those who lived through that...

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Reds vs. Oswalt: Guaranteed Loss

If you're a Reds fan, and you ever find yourself with tickets, and those tickets are for a game in which Roy Oswalt pitches against them, you might as well just stay home.

The guy's 18-1 lifetime against the Reds, with another one tonight in the bag.

You'd think the Reds' advance scouts would have found a way to beat this guy by now. The Reds can beat every other elite pitcher in the game, but not this guy. Unreal.

"I really love him as a fan," Scott Hatteberg said.

Those are the kind of words spoken by a team that doesn't have a problem with a pitcher getting a guaranteed, easy victory every time he pitches against them. Instead, this team just rolls over. No difference in their game approach, no difference in their aggressiveness. They just roll over. It's pathetic.

Denorfi gone to the A's

Did anyone else miss the Denorifia trade? I saw that they dealt him for cash and 2 TBNL players. Have they announce who they got? What do you guys think of the trade?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Stop me if you've heard this one before.

A guy with long hair starts a baseball game for the Reds. He pitches pretty well. The team even gives him some serious run support. He leaves the game with a 6-2 lead. And then they turn the game over to
Stormy and the gang who promptly turn it into an 8-6 loss.

Reds baseball. (Wishbone) C You There!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Cheap tickets, Free Freel Shirt

This Friday the Reds are running two promotions. The first is Pepsi college/teen night; you can get a discount on non-premium tickets. Usually these are for games against teams like the Nats but this time it’s against Philadelphia so you’ll see a fairly good opponent. The second one is a free Ryan Freel get dirty shirt. It’s a t-shirt jersey that is made to look like it’s dirty. I got an Eric Byrnes shirt like this last year it’s pretty cool. It’s free to the first 10,000 adults. They are giving away the same shirt for kids on Sunday.

Monday, April 16, 2007

"I hate to say it, but I'm overpaid," Freel.

Kudos to Ryan Freel on his new $7,000,000 contract. I love that he sees it as an excuse to be more reckless now, if that is possible. Somebody is going to have some fun in a bar in Cincy tonight when Freel and Farney show up to buy the first few rounds.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

150 to go

Twelve games down and the Big Red Machine is in first. Somehow. The numbers baffle me at this point. Look at the bullpen- this bullpen and marvel at their collective earned run average, for it will surely increase. Aaron Harang, of all people, has the worst ERA on the club in this bizarro start to the season. Well, John Coutlangus has the worst ERA, technically, but I chalk that up to the taunting he must have endured sitting in the Wrigley Field bullpen.

Anyway, it's nigh on tax day and the Reds are in first. I won't complain yet. Hell, Kyle Lohse got 12 K's today.

I went to my first game of the season on Monday against the D-Backs (the full word "Diamondbacks" does not appear on any of their four official jerseys) in the newly ruddy Chase Field. The Reds blew a solid effort by Bronson. Of course, Bronson should get used to that since it's happened in all three of his starts now.

I was thoroughly impressed by the show that Josh Hamilton put on during BP that night and he seems to be holding his own in his limited playing time. I hope he's the real deal. I don't want this year's Reds to implode when Junior gets hurt again or if Dunn's back spasms are a lingering problem.

Well, it's Jackie Robinson Day. I'm a big admirer of Robinson, one of the great athletes in California history, who was a much more complex character than he is generally portrayed. However, I'll leave the lengthy Robinson essays to smarter bloggers.

And while it is an honor that the Los Angeles Dodgers are all wearing #42 (a number they finally retired 10 years after Jackie was already in the Hall of Fame, by the way). Here's what that franchise thought of him in the fall of 1956: a middle reliever with an ERA .31 above league average and $30,000.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Josh Hamilton

"We've got to get him on the field with what he's done," Narron said. "It's not easy playing four outfielders. But we'll work it out."

Where have we heard this before?

Oh yeah. Remember Dunn-Griffey-Kearns-Pena? Or how about Dunn-Griffey-Kearns-Guillen?

Now it's Dunn-Freel-Hamilton-Griffey (left to right). Thing is, it doesn't have to be, so fans shouldn't be quick to skepticism (even though, let's face it, we're talking about the Reds).

Freel always will be a "super utility guy," so this conversation shouldn't be happening. Freel is also a right handed batter with no power, and he gets hurt a lot. Hamilton is a lefty with plenty of power, and...well, okay...he missed four years. Both run well, field well (Hamilton has a better arm).

It just looks like a strict platoon waiting to happen, really. The problem is how much offense they lose by keeping Hamilton on the bench...

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Opening Day Roster, 2007

Well, here you go, Glenn.

Pitchers (11)
Bronson Arroyo
Matt Belisle
Jared Burton
Todd Coffey
Rheal Cormier
Jon Coutlangus
Aaron Harang
Kyle Lohse
Kirk Saarloos
Mike Stanton
David Weathers

I never expected to say this, but I don't mind the pitching staff too much. For once, they're not resting all their hopes on Jimmy Anderson/Jimmy Haynes/Paul Wilson/Ghost of Pete Harnisch. The staff is a good mix of young and old, but with two rookies in Coutlangus and Burton (the latter a Rule 5 guy), the bullpen could be worse than last year if they implode. If they do well, and they might, then Krivsky looks like a genius. You have to assume that Cormier, Weathers, and Stanton (combined age: Methuselah) will explode time and again before some of the DL'd guys get back. I'm worried about this bullpen all over again.

A rotation of Harang/Arroyo/Lohse/Belisle/Saarloos? Not too shabby. Bear in mind, Sun Woo Kim pitched here last year.

Infielders (6)
Juan Castro
Jeff Conine
Edwin Encarnacion
Alex Gonzalez
Scott Hatteberg
Brandon Phillips

There's a serious implosion factor at stake here. Can Hatteberg hit like he did last year -- which is to say, can he duplicate Sean Casey's production for a fraction of the price and a third of the GIDPs? Can Brandon Phillips repeat his 2006? Can Edwin Encarnacion figure out how to perform routine plays while hitting a ton with RISP? As for Castro and Gonzalez, not much needs to be said. They'll be fine -- catch everything and hit very little. Why is Jeff Conine here again?

Outfielders (4)
Adam Dunn
Ryan Freel
Ken Griffey Jr.
Josh Hamilton

Oh yeah, this is why they got Conine. Because after Junior and/or Freel gets hurt, you have a "can't miss prospect" (because none of those ever miss) who has never played AA ball, let alone the majors. To say this writer is skeptical of Hamilton is understating it a bit. I'd love to eat crow here.

Catchers (3)
David Ross
Javier Valentin
Chad Moeller

There's just no need for three catchers on a team that only has four outfielders and a Conine. Not that I'd prefer DeWayne Wise, but wow. There's got to be a cheap outfielder roaming the earth right now.

And this leaves one roster spot open. As of now, with 11 pitchers, they could add another outfielder (they won't). My money is on adding Victor Santos, but Krivsky has been known to do other things.

I'd love to see him ship Rheal Cormier out for a reserve outfielder, then sign Santos, and call it 25. But I ain't Wayne.

Meanwhile, look at this opening day DL:

Disabled list (8)
Bill Bray
Chris Denorfia
Jerry Gil
Eddie Guardado
Norris Hopper
Jeff Keppinger
Eric Milton
Elizardo Ramirez

Holy crap. At this rate, the 2007 Reds will make the 1989 Reds look like the all-Ripkens.

Opening Day Genesis

I'll kick off our new Reds blog and the 2007 season with a piece I wrote that was on McSweeney's a few years ago.


Opening Day Genesis.

BY GLENN BIRKEMEIER

- - - -

In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void. God separated the dirt from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.

And God divided the players into two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, to play The Game on His field. God called some of these players Pitchers and some of them Hitters. He placed a Pitcher precisely 60 feet 6 inches from a Hitter. Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the ol' Ballgame.

And God granted jurisdiction of The Game to lesser Gods, whom He called Umpires. God said the Umpires are infallible, blessed with Heavenly authority, whose judgment is not to be questioned under penalty of expulsion from The Game. And God looked at his creation and He was pleased. Then God created the Infield Fly Rule to confuse nonbelievers.

And God said, Let there be light beer, and there was. And, God said, let there be peanuts and hot dogs and overpriced souvenirs and let there be frosty chocolate malts with little wooden spoons that you can buy nowhere else except at this Heaven, which God called a Ballpark, and there was. God looked at His creation and it was good.

And the Lord God formed, from the dust, a collection of elite players in His own image. The Lord God then breathed the breath of life into His creation. God called this creation the National League.

And God said, It is not good for the National League to be alone. The Lord God shall make it a mate. And thus, while the National League slept, God took several of its top players and created the American League.

And God blessed The Game, saying, Be fruitful and multiply. Put teams in every city with deserving fans, God added, even if this occurs at the expense of starting-pitching depth.

From time to time, God understood, The Game would be corrupted by the Serpent. The Serpent was more cunning than any other beast and he would take many wicked forms: the Black Sox, segregation, the Designated Hitter, the Reserve Clause, dead balls, juiced balls, spit balls, corked bats, George Steinbrenner, AstroTurf, the 1981 strike, collusion, lockouts, Pete Rose, the 1994 strike, greenies, cocaine, HGH, Andro, steroids, $20 parking, corporate mallparks, Scott Boras, Donald Fehr, and Bud Selig.

But, God said, the goodness in The Game shall always prevail. As needed, the Lord shall bestow upon The Game a Savior. And the Savior, like the Serpent, can take many forms. The Savior shall remind Fans how blessed The Game truly is. The Savior shall be called by many names, including Cy, Matty, Honus, Big Train, the Babe, Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Lou Gehrig, Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, Buck O'Neil, Hank Greenberg, Red Barber, Harry Caray, Vin Scully, Jack Buck, Satchel Paige, Bill Veeck, Roberto Clemente, Ernie Banks, Hammerin' Hank, Cool Papa, Dizzy, Lefty, Whitey, Stan the Man, Big Klu, the Say Hey Kid, Campy, Duke, the Mick, the Splendid Splinter, the Gas House Gang, the Big Red Machine, the Damn Yankees, Pudge Fisk, Pudge Rodriguez, Yaz, Pops, the Wizard of Oz, Fernando, George Brett, Moonlight Graham, Roy Hobbs, Wild Thing Vaughn, Bingo Long, the Ryan Express, Donnie Baseball, Rickey, Eck, the Big Unit, the Cactus League, Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, Camden Yards, Rotisserie Drafts, Web Gems, Derek Jeter, Dontrelle Willis, Vlad Guerrero, and, from the Far East, Ichiro. And, God guaranteed, there are many more to come.

God looked upon His creation and He was very pleased. And God spoke, yelling, PLAY BALL!